Welcome To Our New Life

An Original Sitcom By
Abrahim Harb & Kathryn Samborski

Pilot Episode
“So-No Chic”

This excerpt includes the teaser and act one, scene A.

TEASER

ADAM IS WATCHING NETFLIX ON STACY’S LAPTOP.

STACY ENTERS THE FAMILY ROOM.

ADAM IS SOBBING SURROUNDED IN TISSUES.

ADAM
It’s so sad.

ADAM BLOWS HIS NOSE WITH TISSUES.

STACY
Are you binge watching Gilmore Girls still?

STACY SMELLS ADAM.

STACY (CONT’D)
Nevermind.

STACY COVERS HER MOUTH AND RUNS INTO THE BATHROOM, THEN BACK OUT WITH AIR FRESHENER AND SPRAYS ADAM.

STACY (CONT’D)
You better shower, otherwise, I am changing the password. It is my computer...and my Netflix...that I pay using the cash from my job...

ADAM
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

TITLE SEQUENCE PLAYS.

CARD APPEARS ON SCREEN THAT SAYS: "Days Living Together: 30"

COMMERCIAL.


ACT ONE
SCENE A

INT.-LIVING ROOM-EVENING (DAY 1)

ADAM IS SITTING ON THE COUCH WATCHING TV. JIM IS FIXING THE HOUSE IN PREPARATION FOR THE HOUSEWARMING PARTY. STACY ENTERS THE APARTMENT AND FREEZES. HER EYES IMMEDIATELY GO TO THE HELLO KITTY POSTER ON THE BATHROOM DOOR.

STACY
Hey guys. WOW Jim, this place looks

HER EYES WIDEN.

STACY (CONT’D)
nice.

JIM
Thanks.

WALKS OVER SLOWLY TO THE BATHROOM AS JIM CONTINUES TO FIX THE FOOD PLATTER CONSISTING OF HOT DOGS AND CONDIMENTS.

STACY
I appreciate it.

STACY AND JIM LOCK EYES. BOTH RUN THE REST OF THE WAY TO THE BATHROOM AND GRAB THE POSTER AT THE SAME TIME.

JIM
NO. It stays.

STACY
I HATE CATS.

THE CONTINUE TO FIGHT OVER THE POSTER.

JIM
How can you hate Hello Kitty?


STACY
OMG! Look, Lady Gaga.

STACY POINTS TO THE WINDOW AND JIM RUNS OVER.

STACY CRUMBLES THE POSTER.

JIM
DAMMIT.

PAUSES BRIEFLY. PUSHES STACY TOWARDS HER ROOM.

JIM (CONT’D)
Hurry up missy, your guests will be here shortly.
You don’t want to greet them looking like that.

STACY ENTERS THE ROOM. JIM RUNS OVER AND GRABS THE CRUMBLED POSTER FROM THE GARBAGE. STACYS EXITS BEDROOM.

STACY
Don’t put that thing back up.

STACY GOES INTO THE BATHROOM AND EXITS MOMENTARILY HOLDING A SCUM FILLED TOOTHBRUSH.

STACY
What is this?

ADAM
Your toothbrush.

STACY
What is on it?

JIM GLANCES OVER.

JIM
Some shiz-

STACY GLARES AT HIM.


JIM (CONT’D)
-ades...let’s close them.

WALKS OVER TO WINDOW AND CLOSES THE SHADES.

ADAM
Sorry? Just clean it off. I only used it to shine my shoes.

ADAM REVEALS HIS CLEAN SHOES.

JIM
What he means to say is, I am sorry Stacy...I will buy you a new one...what color did you want?

STACY THROWS THE BRUSH IN THE KITCHEN GARBAGE

STACY
With what job?

PAUSES.

STACY (CONT’D)
UGHS. I guess I can’t brush my teeth now.
What the heck am I supposed to do?

ADAM
I have tic-tacs in my room

STACY AND JIM LOOK AT EACH OTHER.

STACY
EWW.

JIM
I know I’m YOUR best friend and I am supposed to side with YOU...but I’ve got to go with Stacy on this one. I second that. EWW.

BEAT.

JIM (CONT’D)
You stay. I’ll run and buy you a new one.

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