By Abrahim Harb
I'm in the water
struggling,
my arms waving—
but nobody takes notice.
I yell once more—
I take my last
breath. Then I see,
see you in the abyss.
You look at me—
my body goes limp.
* * * * * * * * *
I’m in the water again.
Struggling.
Waving my arms,
nobody is there,
to hear the screams,
or see my last breath.
I wave my arms one last time—
You are
no longer in the abyss.
For you have left—
Left me for dead.
2 comments:
This is great. Reminded me so much of a person that use to be in my life.
I would take out the comma in the first line--so it reads smoother in the beginning.
I love the break between the two stanzas. It works really well to heighten everything.
Then I'd also take out the comma after "You are" again just to have things flow. The pause you're looking for comes naturally after the break in the line.
And maybe separate "For you have left--/left me for dead." Make "left me for dead" its own stanza, so it really packs a punch.
I really like this poem. It says everything it needs to in eloquent language, with a dark mood.
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